Far-Out Flicks vol. V

 
Bishop: What a creative title for a movie… hmm.. we want teenagers to see our horror movie… we need something combining teenagers and zombies… so…
Actress: TEENAGE ZOMBIES! Brilliant. I’m confused about the pulsating cages, though.
Bishop: Yeah, how does a cage pulsate? This just sounds like crazy beat [...]

Ad Nauseam vol. IX

Bishop: What the hell? They made a horse?
Actress: I think this blog has suddenly become unsuitable for children….
Bishop: Whatever’s going on here, it’s unsettling and wrong.
Actress: Yes, and I think it scares me more that it comes from a sewing pattern.
Bishop: Eeek. I don’t want to ask.
Bishop: An alternate theory: maybe [...]

Plastique Fantastique vol. XI

Bishop: Oh. my. god. I have NEVER EVER in my life seen anyone who was more ill-equipped to rock out than this guy.
Actress: I think his mother has been asking “where’s wally?” for some time, judging by his effusive greeting.
Bishop: If “effusive” means “bat shit crazy” I would have to agree.
Actress: Oh, he’s just [...]

Ad Nauseam vol. VIII

Actress: Ahhhh! My eyes..!!
Bishop: Dial keeps you dry but what will return my vision after I’ve gone blind from the commercial?
Actress: I don’t think they mentioned a guarantee. You could sue.
Actress: This commercial gives me spiral eyes…
Bishop: It makes me wonder what the “secret [...]

Plastique Fantastique vol. X

 
Actress: Holy crap, is that a real child? In the pink, I mean…
Bishop: I have no idea… Do I see one lifeless doll, two, or three?
Actress: I’m counting three. This is like something out of a creepy doll horror movie.
Bishop: OK, Whichever of you are flesh [...]

Enfants Terribles vol. II

Bishop: Megaforce is about deeds not words.
Actress: Deeds, as in pointing like and wearing a headband like an 80’s tragic? Because I think that gets you lightning as well as the vehicular aura…
Bishop: Yes. It was all about that 80’s headband. I think this guy was the [...]

Ad Nauseam vol. VII

 
Actress: This is how my living room looked in the 60’s…. if I was alive in the 60’s.
Bishop: If we were to go back in time to the 60’s and become surrealist interior decorators, this would be our living room in the 60’s.
Actress: I was lying about this is how [...]

Dance Fools Dance! vol. III

Bishop: Wow, that was completely low-budget.
Actress: Way to dress up for the part, buddy…
Bishop: I think it was shot on video and features about 40 seconds of footage that’s cut together and repeated over and over. His wardrobe is just PART of the problem.
Actress: [...]

Ad Nauseam vol. VI

Actress: Is it completely ironic (or something) that I bought a bottle of Wella shampoo today?
Bishop: A bizarre coincidence. I’m sure you were influenced by ads just like this… I mean, how could you resist wanting hair like that?
Actress: Well, I didn’t want to say… but am really quite [...]

Plastique Fantastique vol. IX

Actress: Oh, you can’t be serious. Where do we start with this??
Bishop: This appears to be Bryant Gumble and Tommy Chong in speedos and neckties
Actress: Hah! And rather fetching speedos, I must say… You might have some competition there, honey…
Bishop: D’oh! I will fight them both at [...]

Ad Nauseam vol. V

Actress: Poor Mary’s been left in the moonlight because of her stinky breath. A condition she condemns in others! Judgmental cow…
Bishop: Judgmental and cold. The moonlight means NOTHING to her! She’s so unfeeling.
Actress: What about all those other poor bastards with bad breath? Serves her [...]

Ad Nauseam vol. IV

Actress: How is it that I am the core demographic for this advertisement and I am completely confused?
Bishop: It does seem a bit disjointed in focus, doesn’t it? They’re talking about joining sports teams and then arguing with your family… FOCUS in, ad people!
Bishop: This is easily the most [...]

Comix Remix vol. III

Bishop: I love it when masked comic book ninjas conspire against their partners with the audience. Yes, it happens all the time.
Actress: Indeed. And I wouldn’t like to make Power Man MAD. Geez. He might… break something!
Bishop: He’s quite strong! And he hates low sales [...]

Plastique Fantastique vol. VIII

Actress: I feel like there is some strange symmetry to this, but it’s not pleasant… I feel dizzy… baby, help….
Bishop: Are you OK? Has another horrible album cover made you ill again?
Actress: I feel like I’m in a room of mirrors or some other disconcerting exhibit at the fair… [...]

Far-Out Flicks vol. IV

Bishop: Revenge of the sorority lumberjacks!
Actress: I think she’s been hard at it, too. That blade looks a tad blunt.
Bishop: Yeah, she must be exhausted after all that lumberjacking. I had no ideas trees were so bloody…
Actress: It’s a hard life, workin’ on the chain gang… [...]