Actress: I was a deprived child. Why didn’t I have an ugly plastic wig? WHYYY??!!! I need to talk to my therapist about this…
Bishop: Any kid would love those wigs. They look so LIFELIKE.
Actress: Eric Bana used to wear one of those wigs when he was a sketch comedian impersonating Australian media personality/journalist Ray Martin. It looked disturbingly like the one in the middle, except black. Eric Bana must have a small head.
Bishop: It claims to fit all head sizes, but I’m not so sure about that. We’ll get Philip Seymour Hoffman (the man with the world’s largest head) in there to test that claim.
Actress: Good idea. Stay tuned folks…
Bishop: I’m glad they’re soft. Not only do they look EXACTLY like real hair, but they have the same texture. Wow, what a simulation.
Actress: I wish I had one now. Perfect for those bad hair days…
Actress: I’m particularly taken with the blonde wig on the right. I know if I was to choose a blonde wig, that would be the hairstyle I would be after…
Bishop: Definitely. It’s like a little hair plateau that sits on your head. How stylish.
Actress: You could serve food off that wig. Send little Sally with the blonde wig around at parties with hors d’oeuvres.
Bishop: Ha ha. Yes, I think that’s what it was designed for.
Bishop: The important thing is that it’s SAFE. Because if your kid was somehow injured with her own plastic wig, it would be five times as sad as if they were merely injured.
Actress: Yes, because if you were standing under say, a falling tree branch, or piano for instance, you would be well protected.
Bishop: Exactly! If your kids don’t want to wear a helmet during playtime, trick them into wearing a helmet by painting hair on it.
Actress: I’m feeling crafty and inspired. I think I’m going to dig out my cycle helmet and delicately paint fetching “redhead” strokes on it with my acrylics. Yes. Yes I am.
Bishop: And everyone will just think your hair looks a bit different.
Actress: As I said, perfect for those bad hair days…