Ad Nauseam vol. I

jcpenney17.jpg

Actress: Bow-chicka-bow-bow….
Bishop: Ha! If this is porn, I don’t want anything to do with it.
Actress: Did people really get around is this kind of get-up? I mean, really? Isn’t JC Penney’s just a regular store? It doesn’t have a section called Porn-O-Rama, or anything, does it?
(Note for the reader:  This photograph is from a JC Penney’s catalogue from 1975)

Bishop: Not that I’m aware of… as far as I know, JC Penney’s is very casual and mainstream, and certainly doesn’t have its own Pimp Department.
Actress: Hey! The guy in the blue has the same trousers as Orion! Orion must shop at JC Penney’s.
Bishop: You’re right! Side buttons and everything…
Bishop: Is it possible to be TOO pimpish? Is that even an adjective?
Actress: It is now… I mean, if you saw the outfit on the left in Boogie Nights, you would have thought it was an over-the-top stereotype.
Bishop: The feather in the hat is the last straw. If you wear that in public, something is horribly wrong.
Actress: No matter what the decade. He’d be lookin’ funkalicious cutting the rug at Studio 54 though, don’t you think?
Bishop: I’m sure he did…
Bishop: Everything in that style was just too damn tight. It must not have been a good era for testicles. My guys downstairs would have been hurting if I had to wear pants like that.
Actress: These men don’t appear to have penises.
Bishop: Ugh. I’d rather not look.
Actress: There’s nothing to see…
Bishop: You’re right, JC Penney’s must have been advertising their new line of eunuch-wear.
Actress: Hah. I love the poses. They are men who are dressed and ready for action.
Bishop: Yes. And something VERY interesting is happening just to their right. The facial expressions are dead serious… You can tell they’re about to spring into action. Pimp style!
Actress: Of course. And the soft pink background just makes it all the more manly…
Bishop: I think they’re on the wrong set… Can’t decide if your shirt should be tucked in or untucked? Split the difference…
Actress: I think it’s rather fetchingly tied in front. I saw a shirt just like that in David Jones just last week. In the women’s department.
Actress: Er, should I say “blouse”..?
Bishop: Ha. Well, with that pink background, I think its obvious these gentlemen are very in touch with their feminine side.
Actress: Baby blue, and yellow trousers, and floral motifs. How very 70’s metrosexual.
Bishop: I like the letters. This picture is diagrammed. Very scientific.
Actress: Yes, is it multiple choice?
Bishop: If it is, I plan on failing the test.
Actress: Baby, I demand that you fail it.
Bishop: With flying colors.
Actress: Can we keep the hat, though?

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12 Comments

Filed under Ad Nauseam

12 responses to “Ad Nauseam vol. I

  1. He’s a complicated man, and nobody understands him but his womaaaan…

    Oh, yeah, that’s someone else…. 😉

    Cheers, rberkes. 😀

    ~ The Actress

  2. jenrandom

    i’m so glad you left a comment in my blog. it made me peruse on over here and i’ve been enjoying all of the retro images in your entries. your blog rocks!

  3. Look how thin they are! It’s like even people’s bones were smaller then. We really were that skinny, too. I remember. I was there.

    America didn’t get fat until the mid-80s. So, you tell me: did we all suddenly start exercising less and eating more? I don’t think so.

    Okay, that’s it. That’s all I got. I don’t have a theory. I just have my suspicions, is all.

  4. jenrandom – Thank you! We’re glad you visited and hope you come back in the future. If you have any “special requests” let us know.

    S. Weasel – Yeah, people were really tiny back then. I’m as confused as you are.

    And if you’re hinting that the government is secretly fattening us up through chemicals in our water supply so as to reap a greater harvest when they cannibalize us is in their Soylent Green human farms, I’m way ahead of you.

    Would you like to subscribe to the newsletter?

    -The Bishop

  5. I have no idea, but I’ll entertain any conspiracy theory. The more preposterous the better.

  6. S. Weasel – Libertarian, I take it?

    I kid! I kid cause I love!

    – Bishop

  7. This picture, “Touch That Feeling” and “The Christ Messengers” are proudly displayed in my desktop wallpaper. Thank you for this priceless, um, ephemera. And thanks for being so kind to visit Link En Fuego!

  8. Bishop! Bishop! Come quick! We’ve made wallpaper status! I am so excited!

    Bram, thanks for the boost. We’ll be sure to provide plenty more polyester to keep your wallpaper supply flowing and minty fresh! 😉

  9. Pingback: After Seeing These Fashion Ads From Ebony Magazine, circa 1970–76 « Link En Fuego

  10. First of all, let me say that only in the 70s could clothing as patently outrageously horrid as this be marketed in a MAINSTREAM department store catalog. *shudder*

    It could be harvest gold…oh wait, that one guy’s pants ARE harvest gold. Damn.

    Well, I think maybe people were skinnier back then because they spent all their free time disco-ing themselves into shape and balancing on hi-rise platforms.

  11. Retro clothing is the bomb! My favorite place to find it is Goodwill or any thrift store. Ebay is also a great place to find what you are looking for.

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