Bishop: Danger! These girls are hot!
Actress: If they’re so hot, why haven’t any of these men removed their jackets?
Bishop: Good question. I like to play a game when I see these old B-movie posters… it’s called “Guess the Plot”
Actress: Do you see how the woman standing is not actually pointing at the person with the gun? She’s pointing at the woman in the ballgown, “Oh, look, Martha! Your nail polish is chipped already! I told you not to snag your nails on denim after I give you a manicure!”
Bishop: Ha ha. Something very interesting is happening on her hands. You’d think she’d notice the guy with the gun….
Actress: Is it a guy..? A guy with manly hands and a prominent chest, perhaps?
Bishop: I can’t quite figure out what’s going on in this film, but I think it has something to do with gun-toting mummies chasing underage girls. Possibly hermaphroditic gun-toting mummies? Those are even worse!
Actress: I think it’s really a woman who’s just had a facelift, and she’s returned to wreak havoc in the surgery where she heard the reception staff making fun of her behind her back. Medical receptionists are notoriously rude…
Bishop: I don’t think you’re far off, that could explain the gun.
Actress: Disgruntled patient.
Bishop: Is that Norman Bates in the background?
Actress: I think it’s his even more psychotic younger brother….
Bishop: Seems it. I have a question: Where’s the jailbait?
Actress: That’s what I was wondering… None of these women look remotely under age…
Bishop: Exactly. This movie has let its audience down. It’s failed to deliver on the promise of its title. Imagine going to see Snakes on a Plane with no snakes and no plane.
Actress: Are you disappointed there is no jailbait? Go on, disappoint me by telling me you’re disappointed…
Bishop: Actually, no. Not at all. But I do appreciate truth in advertising from an ethical standpoint. They should have called this movie “Gun Toting Mummies” and it would have been a lot less confusing.
Actress: Indeed. That’s why I’m still going with the disgruntled patient angle, and speaking of confusing, what is going on in the bottom half of the poster? It looks like it comes from a different film…
Bishop: Now, I’m confused. Does Ed Wood think he can gain respectability by calling himself “Edward”?
Actress: Using his middle initial and all…
Bishop: Wow… Someone’s gunning for an Oscar.
Actress: The lady on the left has a lovely frock and I’m sure I saw that balaclava whilst I was out shopping in that army surplus store the other day…
Actress: It always comes back to fashion…. women! *wink*
Bishop: Hey, I approve.
Actress: You ought to…