Far-Out Flicks vol.III


Bishop: Oh, good. Finally a machine with feelings! Most of my appliances are such jerks.
Actress: Of course a machine with feelings has to be female. A male machine couldn’t possibly…Unless he was a robot called Andrew in some crappy movie called Bicentennial Man.
Bishop: Ha. Yeah, if anything, movies need LESS machines with feelings.
Bishop: I’m still not sure if the machine to which they’re referring is HER or that thing on her back.
Actress: I think it’s the gun… It looks like one of those vintage vibrators from the early 20th century. Now that will give you “feelings”…
Bishop: Hey! That would make for a really good movie, indeed.
Actress: Well, you never know your luck with this one, starring none other than Playboy Playmate of the Year, Dorothy Stratten…
Bishop: This was the film that finally won her the Academy Award for Best Actress in a Dramatic Role
Actress: Oh, my god… it’s THE Dorothy Stratten! She was murdered, you know, and has become the subject of many a made-for-tv midday movie since…
Bishop: By the critics?
Actress: No, by her husband. She was only 20.
Bishop: Oh, great, now I have to feel slightly guilty laughing at her.
Actress: Yeah, that sucks.
Bishop: Let’s pretend it stars Farah Fawcett. EVERYONE laughs at her.
Actress: Yes! Farrah. Brilliant.
Actress: I’m just assuming that the feelings she has are emotional feelings and not physical feelings, because I think she’d be getting a bit of a chill in her kidneys in that outfit…
Bishop: That outfit’s a bit chilly for deep space, isn’t it? I think the feeling is “brrrrr”.
Actress: I wonder why she needs that battery pack thingy on her back? Maybe it would have made her boobies a bit misshapen if it was internal…
Bishop: Ha ha! Yes, it must be an external battery pack. She also comes with optional A/C adapter plug.
Actress: And an antenna.
Bishop: She gets good FM radio reception.
Actress: Oh, that’s excellent news. She can listen to some easy listenin’ soft rock while she’s blasting the crap out of aliens.
Bishop: I could be wrong on this, but I think advertisers always like the subject of a picture to be making eye contact with the audience. Galaxina looks very confused, lost, and surprised they made a movie out of her.
Actress: She does, you’re quite right.
Bishop: No wonder she’s surprised, though. Imagine seeing your own name appear in giant lettering above your head. That would weird anybody out.
Actress: I think that’s what she’s looking at…
Bishop: She’s probably wondering where that description came from. Nobody likes to be called a machine with feelings.
Actress: Especially with an exclamation point.
Bishop: I enjoy the use of the word “finally.” As if we’re sitting around counting the minutes. *Sigh* Have they created a machine with feelings YET?
Actress: And it’s been done already!
Bishop: Where? Are you counting Dick Cheney? Oh, wait… he NEVER had feelings!
Actress: Har har…You funny!
Bishop: Nyuk, nyuk.
Actress: Speaking of feelings, all this talk of battery packs and vibrators is making me a bit hot under the collar.
Bishop: Wow! Hey, not a bad way to end this column. That’s the first time a cheesy sci-fic poster inspired female arousal.
Actress: I may need counselling. If you volunteer, I promise I’ll wear my skimpy space-robotgirl-with-feelings costume…
Bishop: I’m there! Say no more!
Actress: [is silent]



Filed under Far-Out Flicks

5 responses to “Far-Out Flicks vol.III

  1. Michael Dines

    I first saw this when I was far too young, at a slightly older neighbour’s birthday party. Renting tapes was the thing for birthdays at that time.

    I remembered laughing a lot at the rock eater, and phrases like “Corny Butt” and the aliens eating lady fingers.

    I had a chance to see this on tv in the last few years, and y’know… my memories of it were far superior to the real thing, which was just downright painful.

    A shame, too.

    (The Blue Star! *ahhh-ahhhh!*)

  2. Michael – Wow, you watched it? 🙂

    The Actress and myself can’t make any claim to have seen the movies we’re lampooning… we’re just poking fun at the posters. The fact that we usually approach the image with either no or very little pre-existing knowledge of the film in question actually improves spontaneity, as we make up everything off-the-cuff.

    Anyway, I completely understand what it’s like to go back and re-watch a movie that you once thought was pretty good, but turns out to be awful.

    Thanks for the visit. Come back any time.

    -The Bishop

  3. I like the old fashion cover

  4. Pingback: Reader, This Is The Very First Blog On The Web That Is Filled To Its Entirety With CONVERSATIONS « Link En Fuego

  5. Santadelic – Us too. There are plenty more where that came from, also. 🙂

    – Bishop

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