Comix Remix vol. I

lois65.jpg

Bishop: Hey, it’s Superman! And what a gentleman!
Actress: Well, you’d think he’d been put in an awkward position, but not for Superman! Always the penultimate diplomat…
Bishop: That’s right. To begin with, he’s good at working his way out of a jam and secondly, he’s never partisan. If not being able to choose a wife isn’t the perfect example of not wanting to take sides, I don’t know what is.
Actress: And why are we always compelled to put a “!” after his name?
Bishop: His name must be shouted!
Bishop: What you don’t know about Superman is that he chooses EVERYTHING in his life like this. His religion, where he lives… he even chose to be a reporter through a coin toss. Heads, journalist… tails, nuclear physicist.
Actress: I love the way Lois says “But by rescuing us simultaneously, I’m still left guessing!”, like it’s a joy to be held in the same regard as an ex, and be the subject of a coin toss.
Bishop: Right! Women LOVE knowing they’re on perfectly equal footing with an ex from years and years ago. That’s why Superman’s such a great human being! Superman is saying “I could give a rat’s ass” and isn’t that the most romantic message of all?
Bishop: “Hey, Lois, I just want you to know that the lady who gave me a trim at Cost Cutters is JUST as good as you! Don’t worry, you’re no better or worse to me than she is. I’m going to play rock-paper-scissors to determine if I marry you or her…”
Actress: Oh yes… I love it when you say that to me, baby.. *swoon* Tell me again? Who can you toss me up against?
Bishop: My darling, rest assured that I’LL never treat you the way Superman is treating Lois… I would never enter you into a coin toss with anyone unless it’s somebody really special like the meter reader or that girl who I chased on the playground when I was 10.
Actress: Oh, phew. That’s a relief, honey. I knew you’d come through. I’ll never test your love for me again…
Actress: I have to say, just from this strip, I’ve lost all respect for Lois. She is a disgrace to the sisterhood.
Bishop: Yeah, Lois comes off as a bit of a feeb.
Actress: I swear Lois’ eyes in the final frame are about to turn into spirals. She is completely hypnotised by Superman’s (!) sheer charm, or is it his lycra?
Bishop: Ha ha. I think it’s his unerring devotion. Also, the lycra probably helps.
Actress: I’d think it would be a pretty raw deal being married to Superman (!). You’d be fairly low on his list of priorities, as is illustrated here… and that’s apart from the constant rescue missions, and nasty sweaty old lycra. I mean, Lois… Wake up, woman! Do you really want a man in tights??!!
Bishop: Ha ha… Yes, she needs to get her priorities straight.
Bishop: Question: Do you really need super-vision to see a coin? That seems to me to be a waste of a power.
Actress: Well, he’s far too polite to be using it to be peering through their underwear..
Bishop: And it’s good that he’s using his powers for altruistic things like marriage-determining coin tosses instead of peeking at their nakedness. Kudos to Superman.
Actress: Or, he’s an idiot. He should have chosen Lana.

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4 Comments

Filed under Comix Remix

4 responses to “Comix Remix vol. I

  1. Well, he was obviously either:
    1. under the influence of red kryptonite
    2. trying to teach the two of them a lesson by being cruel
    3. being screwed with by someone with magical powers.
    or
    4. putting on a charade to fool an evil villain

    So you see, no matter what ! Superman ! does, I still idolize him. My eyes are about to turn into spirals.

  2. Tim – I suppose 1 and 3 are forgivable. Classic Superman comics feature more trippy mindwarps, magic spells, and backwards-speaking elves than a David Lynch movie.

    As such, the Man O’ Steel has been under the influence of sinister forces many times, accounting for much of his horrid behavior.

    HOWEVER, how can you justify 2 and 4? He’s still being a jerk even if he means well.

    I’ll go ahead give him the benefit of the doubt this time, and assume Brainiac is controlling his mind and screwing up his love life. If I were an evil monster bent on world domination, I would surely spend all of my efforts destroying Superman’s chance at a happy marriage and home life.

    Thanks for stopping by. Come back any time. πŸ™‚

    – The Bishop

  3. This is a fun site. thanks for visiting mine. I particularly like your translated “about” page.

    RE: this comic: If Superman plans to allow his entire romantic destiny to be decided by coin toss, I shudder to think about the wedding night for poor Lois. “Heads” or “tails” –indeed.

  4. amazonratz – Thank you for the visit and thank you for the kind words. We’re glad you like our “About” page. πŸ™‚

    And kudos on the snappy double entendre! I’m impressed and humbled.

    Damn. I wanted to think up something witty, but I appear to have been “out-clevered”.

    I’ll be back. πŸ˜‰

    – Bishop

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