Plastique Fantastique vol. V



Bishop: Eeek. It’s a cult, I know it’s a cult. Cults always believe to be the One True Representatives of God… that’s why they give themselves names like Soldiers of Light or The True Path. “The Christ Messengers” fits that mold a little TOO well.
Actress: The higher your hair, the closer you are to Jesus. Every cult has a kicker…
Bishop: Yes, hair that sticks straight up in the air brings you even just a few inches closer to Heaven. That’s what counts.
Actress: I think their hair is like antennae, that picks up messages from God. Although, Dad needs a bit more height…
Bishop: Being Christ’s messengers means you need to stay in touch
Bishop: The identical matching outfits don’t really help clear my mind that this ISN’T a cult, you know.
Actress: The girls are all in uniforms, too. This is a bit too much like Logan’s Run, although the parents are a bit old…
Bishop: Yes, no middle aged people in Logan’s Run
Actress: Quite. And the serene forest setting, doesn’t fool me for a moment.
Bishop: So many of these religion-themed cheesy album covers take place in a forest… what’s with that?
Actress: I know. I’m still trying to get a grip on that. I think it’s to distract from the ridiculous outfits and haircuts.
Bishop: Hey, something has to.
Bishop: As Christ’s messengers, do you think they charge a fair rate? They’ll deliver Jesus’ messages, but do they charge more than FedEx OR UPS?
Actress: Is your soul a fair rate? It’s all about priorities…
Bishop: “We’re here with a message from Christ: IT’S HELL FOR YOU”
Bishop: Hey, don’t shoot the messengers!
Actress: I think I’ll just shoot myself if I ever have to listen to this record…



Filed under Plastique Fantastique

6 responses to “Plastique Fantastique vol. V

  1. I wish there was a “Where are They Now?” site for stuff like this. What ever became of The Christ Messengers? Um…and who exactly were they in the first place?

  2. I’m guessing the usual story, moonbeam. Father was caught in a compromising position with two hookers and went to prison for tax evasion; mother ran off with the youth pastor, and the 2 girls joined the Branch Davidians, with the youngest perishing in a bloody shootout with the DEA. Does that sound about right?

    Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

    ~ The Actress

  3. Pingback: “Actress: The higher your hair, the closer you are to Jesus. Every cult has a kicker…” « Link En Fuego

  4. Did you establish that this isn’t the Ashcrofts ?

  5. I like that “whatever happened to” story. Thank you. And I’m happy to know that the B-52s are all going to heaven.

  6. Martin – We haven’t done any research into the topic, but that’s a good a guess as any. Thanks for the visit.

    moonbeam – We’re still waiting for the Behind the Music special on VH1 featuring The Christ Messengers. Their story needs to be told.

    – Bishop

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