Enfants Terribles vol. I


Actress: Is that child CRYING??
Bishop: You’d think they’d find a more flattering shot than that.
Actress: Well, obviously they couldn’t afford to waste any shots on facial expressions… just look at the costumes!
Bishop: This takes “low budget” to a whole new level
Actress: Ok, ok, I know it’s children’s craft, but I never would have stood for that when I was a kid. Those children must be scarred to this very day.
Bishop: It’s basically the equivalent of dressing them up in potato sacks. And you’re damn right they’re scarred… 30 years on, and they openly burst into tears whenever the clerk at the grocery store asks “paper or plastic?”
Actress: Shoddy and poor, their parents and the publishers of this book ought to be ashamed.
Bishop: Yes, they ought to be.
Actress: Just look at the poor little mite. And what small boy wants to be a panda? I ask you… No wonder he’s crying…
Bishop: He doesn’t really look like a panda as much as a guy with a panda growing out of his stomach. Which I find disturbing. Not only are these costumes cheap and pretty crappy, they’re highly ambiguous. Tell me what the kid on the left is supposed to be….
Actress: That was my next question! WHAT is that? At first I was thinking, court jester… but there’s no sign of a hat, or tights…
Bishop: No, none. I thought maybe it was supposed to be a layer of feathering and the lad was going as a bird of some type… is he an owl?
Actress: Oh, a BIRD. Of course…I can totally see that. Ahem.
Bishop: A bird… maybe. I’m not too sure on that one. I think maybe he’s dressed as a stack of poorly-cut construction paper.
Actress: I was going to remark on the mad paper cutting skillz….
Bishop: Crazy, innit? Maybe it’s some sort of avant-garde fashion that’s just emerged from Paris. The only reason I’m laughing is because I don’t GET IT.
Actress: Me neither, honey….
Actress: All I can say is that don’t their parents know that you make kiddie costumes out of cardboard, crepe paper and ratty old clothes? Take this, for example:


Actress: And yes, that is me…. Laugh, go on!
Bishop: Aw, you’re too cute to laugh at. I do have to wonder what’s going on, though?
Actress: Well, this would be my point. I am accepting 2nd prize in a fancy dress competition aboard a cruise ship, aged 4. And what did it for me? Ratty old clothes, cardboard and crepe paper…
Actress: I still have that little red octopus, by the way…
Bishop: The red octopus given to you by a guy who’s dressed like Captain Stubing? That’s one to hang onto.
Actress: That kind of explains my facial expression. Even at that age, the guy scared the bejesus out of me…



Filed under Enfants Terribles

5 responses to “Enfants Terribles vol. I

  1. All the old stuff I wore as a child is coming back. Kinda scary and makes you feel old, but it looks great most of the time.

  2. Retro Fashion – What? Paper bags with panda heads drawn on them in crude Crayola?

    If paper bags with panda heads drawn on them in crayon make a comeback, it’s all over. I quit.

    – Bishop

  3. journeytocrunchville

    You guys crack me up. You guys need some capes. This gal (http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5058462) makes adult sized ones. If you act quickly mayhaps you could save the children from this Halloween’s fashion blunders.

  4. journeytocrunchville – Hey, thanks 🙂

    Wait… we’re supposed to wear capes now?

  5. When I was a kid I had a disintegrating book from the ’70s about how to make costumes out of paper grocery bags, potato sacks, and cardboard. The book had a lobster, mouse, different kinds of animals, etc. Thankfully they looked better than these monstrosities.

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