Ad Nauseam vol. II

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Actress: I feel ripped off. I learnt to knit at school and I obviously wasn’t taught in THE MOST DELIGHTFUL WAY POSSIBLE. I want my money back.
Bishop: Aw, man. You WANT to go with the most delightful way possible. All other methods are less delightful by definition.
Actress: Put it this way: If I had learnt in the most delightful way possible, I’d be knitting you a lovely jerkin right now, just like that handsome specimen right there. How does that make you feel?
Bishop: I think he’s the one who looks like a real JERKIN. ZING!
Actress: Oh, baby… You floor me. But tell me you wouldn’t love a studly little number like that. I’ll even weave you a belt…
Bishop: I think every garment he’s wearing has been knitted. True fact: his glasses are knitted.
Actress: No wonder he looks confused…
Bishop: And is that lady wearing a poncho like Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti western, or a throw rug like a crazy homeless person?
Actress: It’s FASHION, dahlink. Gosh, men…
Bishop: Of course. I’m liking it already.
Actress: I will wear it for you, and I’ll be sure to stand at all times with my pelvis awkwardly thrust forward, so it remains formfitting and sexy, just for you. *kisses*
Bishop: Oh, baby! That sounds so sexy; you could make anything look good. I’m turned on already.
Actress: Oh, good. Look, I’ll strike you a deal: I’ll wear the poncho, if you ask for a haircut like Mr Jerkin, next time you visit the hairdresser.
Bishop: You’re on.

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7 Comments

Filed under Ad Nauseam

7 responses to “Ad Nauseam vol. II

  1. I’m thinking his hair may be knitted too. God, he’s hot.

  2. where can i sign up for lessons?

  3. JRSofty

    They should have used silver yarn on the jerkin. That way it would have looked like a really poor chain mail jerkin instead of … well I’m not sure what but I’ll think of something eventually.

  4. moonbeam – Was it the pink shirt or knitted red jerkin that sent you into a state of desire?

    dogslol – That’s pending. Rest assured you will learn to knit in the most delightful way possible… or your money back. Are you delighted yet? Are you??

    JRSofty – Then he’d be all decked out for ren fest, which is where I’m assuming he was going anyway.

    Thanks all. Come back any time. šŸ™‚

    – Bishop

  5. It’s the total package, Bishop– the hair, the moustache, the tinted glasses, the moobs, the shirt, the jerkin, the belt…ooooooh!

  6. I asked my wife to knit me up one of those jerkins. In the most delightful way possible.

  7. Was she obliging, Tim? I know there is something very appealing about a woman who knits in a delightful fashion. I took some lessons from that book and now the Bishop can’t keep his hands off me. Thanks, Knitting Know-How!

    Actually, I think Knitting Know-How ought to be a must to spice up every couple’s love life.

    ~ The Actress

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