Plastique Fantastique vol. VIII

kingdomseek.jpg

Actress: I feel like there is some strange symmetry to this, but it’s not pleasant… I feel dizzy… baby, help….
Bishop: Are you OK? Has another horrible album cover made you ill again?
Actress: I feel like I’m in a room of mirrors or some other disconcerting exhibit at the fair… Why are those women leaning like that? Can you make them stop?
Bishop: Yeah, this is nausea inducing.. for several reasons.
Bishop: Are they tilting like that on purpose?
Actress: I’m trying to ignore it, but it is quite seriously making me nauseous. Let’s focus on the men for a moment….
Bishop: Creepy, Awkward, and Icky…. I give them dwarf names for easy reference.
Actress: Brilliant. Shall we name our non-ever-existent children thus?
Bishop: I hope not. Child services will have us for sure.
Actress: Even if we DON’T have children. They’ll be after us…
Bishop: Even hypothetical children are protected.
Bishop: What kingdom are they seeking?
Actress: The Kingdom of Appalling Dress Sense.
Bishop: I think they’ve found that particular kingdom already.
Actress: I say, the title of the album is a crying shame, isn’t it?
Bishop: I’m sure the listeners would prefer if if the title was “We’ll Be Going”… ZING!
Actress: You see, the frock on the left wouldn’t be so bad, if I was wearing it .. *whistles* It has a certain charm. Miss tilty-bad-specs on the right, not so much…
Bishop: You would look great it in. A redundancy since you look great in everything….
Actress: Oh, you flatter me, my love…
Actress: But seriously… these people FAIL the Christian album test, because they are clearly standing in a park, and NOT in the middle of a forest. Hasn’t anyone told them that you must be posed up to your neck in tree trunks for this kind of thing?
Bishop: You took the words right out of my mouth. They’re obviously aping the standard Christian album template. Sure, they’ve chosen a park instead of the sylvan wood, but let’s see what they DID do right… I’ll rattle off the checklist…
Bishop: Boring band name that very obviously displays Christianity? Check. Album title that is bland and inoffensive? Check.
Bishop: Horribly square musicians who look like they’d be laughed at for being too dorky at a polka concert? Check. Trees somewhere in the shot? Check.
Bishop: And most importantly of all: matching clothes! The absolute most essential ingredient is ugly, offensive clothes that are identical.
Actress: Nasty frocks and very, very bad suits? Check. Extra points for matching gear. Also, we have a very nice sample of “high hair” and some exemplary examples in the male contingent of hair combed over within an inch of its life.
Actress: I take it back. They pass.
Bishop: Yes! Exactly! Men with combed hair and women with pinned up hair. That’s how it’s got to be. You’re right my love, exactly right.
Actress: Now, if only they would be gone…

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4 Comments

Filed under Plastique Fantastique

4 responses to “Plastique Fantastique vol. VIII

  1. This one makes me feel a little queasy. That dark haired woman is tipping over. And why does only one of the men have a neck?

  2. K

    The man in the middle could be my father, circa his wedding day. I mean…the hair, the outfit, the porn ‘stache… It’s creepy.

  3. moonbeam – Yup, the tipping is very disorienting and potentially vertigo-inducing. I hope you brought your dramamine.

    As for the lack of necks, we should have noticed that earlier. Since you pointed it out, I’ve found this picture to be YET MORE disturbing and strange. Seriously… their heads are protruding out of their torsos. It’s… weird…

    K – Lots of guys looked like that in the 70’s. My parents would also fit quite nicely into any one of our photographic send-ups.

    Thank you for the visit and we hope you liked it. 🙂

    – Bishop

  4. First thought – aren’t those kids a little old and conservatively-dressed to be going to prom? Oh wait….

    A CHRISTIAN album you say? More like the crappy Christian band they hired to play at Holy Cross High School Senior Promtastic ’75.

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