Actress: I feel like there is some strange symmetry to this, but it’s not pleasant… I feel dizzy… baby, help….
Bishop: Are you OK? Has another horrible album cover made you ill again?
Actress: I feel like I’m in a room of mirrors or some other disconcerting exhibit at the fair… Why are those women leaning like that? Can you make them stop?
Bishop: Yeah, this is nausea inducing.. for several reasons.
Bishop: Are they tilting like that on purpose?
Actress: I’m trying to ignore it, but it is quite seriously making me nauseous. Let’s focus on the men for a moment….
Bishop: Creepy, Awkward, and Icky…. I give them dwarf names for easy reference.
Actress: Brilliant. Shall we name our non-ever-existent children thus?
Bishop: I hope not. Child services will have us for sure.
Actress: Even if we DON’T have children. They’ll be after us…
Bishop: Even hypothetical children are protected.
Bishop: What kingdom are they seeking?
Actress: The Kingdom of Appalling Dress Sense.
Bishop: I think they’ve found that particular kingdom already.
Actress: I say, the title of the album is a crying shame, isn’t it?
Bishop: I’m sure the listeners would prefer if if the title was “We’ll Be Going”… ZING!
Actress: You see, the frock on the left wouldn’t be so bad, if I was wearing it .. *whistles* It has a certain charm. Miss tilty-bad-specs on the right, not so much…
Bishop: You would look great it in. A redundancy since you look great in everything….
Actress: Oh, you flatter me, my love…
Actress: But seriously… these people FAIL the Christian album test, because they are clearly standing in a park, and NOT in the middle of a forest. Hasn’t anyone told them that you must be posed up to your neck in tree trunks for this kind of thing?
Bishop: You took the words right out of my mouth. They’re obviously aping the standard Christian album template. Sure, they’ve chosen a park instead of the sylvan wood, but let’s see what they DID do right… I’ll rattle off the checklist…
Bishop: Boring band name that very obviously displays Christianity? Check. Album title that is bland and inoffensive? Check.
Bishop: Horribly square musicians who look like they’d be laughed at for being too dorky at a polka concert? Check. Trees somewhere in the shot? Check.
Bishop: And most importantly of all: matching clothes! The absolute most essential ingredient is ugly, offensive clothes that are identical.
Actress: Nasty frocks and very, very bad suits? Check. Extra points for matching gear. Also, we have a very nice sample of “high hair” and some exemplary examples in the male contingent of hair combed over within an inch of its life.
Actress: I take it back. They pass.
Bishop: Yes! Exactly! Men with combed hair and women with pinned up hair. That’s how it’s got to be. You’re right my love, exactly right.
Actress: Now, if only they would be gone…