Actress: Is it completely ironic (or something) that I bought a bottle of Wella shampoo today?
Bishop: A bizarre coincidence. I’m sure you were influenced by ads just like this… I mean, how could you resist wanting hair like that?
Actress: Well, I didn’t want to say… but am really quite envious of his smooth lines and shine…
Bishop: The ad says at the bottom: “Be sure you get WELLA Balsam…” as a reminder not to buy their competitors brand. You have to laugh at the lack of subtlety there.
Actress: Hes obviously not using it on his moustache…
Bishop: You’re right: his moustache is completely unkempt… he needs a Wella product for that mess… or just to get rid of it would be much better.
Actress: That is not a moustache. It is a scraggly bush. It may make him quite popular with the ladies, however… ahem.
Actress: Not that I’d know…
Bishop: Are you in love with the Wella Balsam guy? I will fight him for your love, so help me God!
Actress: Honey, are you really up to it? So far we have the Spaghetti Monster, Satan… and who else? I only really want you, and I’m worried for your welfare and weaponry against such smooth tresses. Which shampoo are you using again?
Bishop: Generico brand generic shampoo-ish hair soap. Why? Is that a good one?
Actress: It’s not a good match against Wella. I call that you win, by default. Reason being that you are the most adorable man on the planet. There. No more fighting scraggly moustachioed dandies or sloppy spaghetti monsters.
Actress: You can never tell what might come up in the future, however…
Bishop: Ha! I win! I will take them ALL on! Ha ha ha!
Actress: Funny how there are no products proclaiming balsam these days….
Bishop: Yes… there seems to be a dearth of balsam-based products on the market. I have a feeling they stopped using after it mutated some kids and turned them into little flipper-children… just like what happened with asbestos.
Actress: That’s it! I think you’re found the sole reason for male pattern baldness in middle aged men. Too much WELLA BALSAM. God. Do you think we should alert the authorities?
Bishop: I want to know what this guy looks like NOW… knowing the effects of Wella Balsam, he could be in a bad way…
Actress: That’s what I’m talking about….
Actress: He has NO HAIR.
Bishop: That’ll teach him for messing with balsam. That shit’ll kill you man!
Actress: Slosh it on in the shower, indeed.