Ad Nauseam vol. VII



Actress: This is how my living room looked in the 60’s…. if I was alive in the 60’s.
Bishop: If we were to go back in time to the 60’s and become surrealist interior decorators, this would be our living room in the 60’s.
Actress: I was lying about this is how my living room looked, if it existed. This is horrible. What a mess. Although it has some pleasing elements…
Actress: You’re sweet to take my bait though, baby .. *wink*
Bishop: Hey, don’t mention it.
Bishop: My favorite part of this room is the door… it allows for speedy exit.
Actress: Door? There is a door? [peers closer]….
Bishop: Oh no… there’s no door? In that case, it’s not even a room… it’s a cell.
Actress: with big purple turds on the floor. I always wanted purple turds. They make me happy.
Bishop: Giant purple turds… they accentuate any room. I’d love to make fun of the objects in this room, but I have no idea what I’m looking at. Is this FURNITURE?
Actress: I think most of the decor, coloured orange, comes from my playroom, circa 1974… I was a bit behind the times…
Bishop: You’re right! I was just about to say that those plastic orange chairs remind me of the little baby table you have in your playroom. I picture myself sitting down at a table like that at the age of 4 and messing around with Play-Doh or action figures.
Actress: Yes! I used to like screwing the legs off the chairs.
Actress: Said the actress to the bishop…
Bishop: Oh, you’re too good! *kisses* I love it when you make double entendres.
: *curtsies* Thank you, baby. I aim to please…
: So… the question remains… WHO is to be using this room and for WHAT purpose? Any guesses? Any at all?
Actress: I think it’s the living room on a spaceship. I know that’s what they want us to think, but I think it’s for REAL. What other environment could be so utterly cold?
Actress: The plants are a nice touch, though..
Actress: As completely 60’s/70’s as they are…
Bishop: It is. This was created by a cold, inhuman, alien sentience. In other words, it’s probably Scandanavian.
Actress: Indeed. I think you may be entirely correct. However, I’m still trying to work out what’s going on to the righ of the “picture” window…
Bishop: I’m still trying to work out ANY of it… describe what you’re looking at. We probably won’t crack the case, but I’ll take a look.
Actress: I can’t get past the purple turds, but did ANYONE on earth actually have a living space that remotely resembled this? If so, I’ve been hanging out in the wrong crowds…
Bishop: No, this is not the picture of a livable room, this is the picture of an art student losing his mind.
Actress: With plenty of flat surfaces to draw lines of… things on. Right.
Bishop: Yes. Let’s not ponder too long. When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back into you.
Actress: I still want to sit on one of those turds. They look kinda comfy… Made for two, perhaps? *flutters eyelashes*
Bishop: I’ll join you then. Nothing’s more romantic than a giant, purple turd. Which sounds like the worst Valentine’s Day card ever. This is why I mustn’t work for Hallmark.
Actress: I think you’ll feel differently when we are sucked into that big purple hole….What I’m thinking about that is not fit for public consumption, I assure you…
Bishop: C’mere you…



Filed under Ad Nauseam

9 responses to “Ad Nauseam vol. VII

  1. K

    At least they look like *comfortable* giant, purple turds. Anyway, this is a perfect example of why dropping acid and home decorating should never have been mutual activities.

  2. K – I agree. If you want to get crazy, you should pick a medium other than home decorating, such as painting or music. Why? Because nobody has to live inside a painting or a song. The pragmatist in me looks at this room and says “Yeah, that’s good and zany, but who the hell’s going to USE it?”

    And drugs are bad, mmmkay.

    Thanks for the visit. Come back any time. 🙂

    – Bishop

  3. Wow– finally, a room that’s really functional.

    I keep forgetting my sunglasses when I visit this site. Or my Dramamine. Or something to dull the shock.

  4. moonbeammcqueen – It’s good to know some interior decorators have a sense for practicality.

    Sorry to abuse your sense so, but as they say in weight-lifting: no pain, no gain.

    – Bishop

  5. Karen

    What you need to look for is a picture of that room, with the orange shag carpet. Yes, it was around. With the avacado colored appliances. Or the harvest gold, that wasn’t yellow, wasn’t orange, but sort of a mix.

    All that was enough to turn a persons stomach. Still could, for that matter.

  6. Karen – You’ve got it! Oh, the avocado… I’m thinking a nice circular shag in the middle of the room, yes?

    I recall that harvest gold, too. Thank you for giving it a name. I will no longer refer to it as monkey vomit greeny yellow….

    ~ Actress

  7. Oh yeah! In the seventies, apartment complexes gave you three choices of appliances and matching shag carpet– harvest gold, avocado green, and coppertone. We had avocado– it matched our vinyl daisy swivel kitchen chairs, though I think it sort of clashed with the orange Naugahyde couch.

  8. moonbeam – Please pardon my rudeness, but that sounds truly repellent.

    Don’t forget wood paneling. On EVERYTHING.


    – Bishop

  9. But of course. All of our walls were wood paneled, and you’re right, it was really repellent. That’s why people did so many drugs back then—just to make things look normal.

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