Far-Out Flicks vol. V



Bishop: What a creative title for a movie… hmm.. we want teenagers to see our horror movie… we need something combining teenagers and zombies… so…
Actress: TEENAGE ZOMBIES! Brilliant. I’m confused about the pulsating cages, though.
Bishop: Yeah, how does a cage pulsate? This just sounds like crazy beat poetry, man. Imagine some Ginsberg wannabe reading this at a coffee shop, clad entirely in black while a guy playing bongos thumps away.
Bishop: Young… pawns… thrust… into… pulsating… cages of… horror in… a sadistic… experiment. *snaps fingers* Can you dig it?
Actress: I’m picturing Mike Myers reading it, a la SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER. Yeah, I can dig it….. baby.
Bishop: She stole my heart and my cat
Actress: Stop that now, or I’ll start quoting his father. “Head! Pants! Nooo!”
Bishop: I’m still trying to make sense of this and it isn’t working because the picture, the illustration, the title, and the dopey ad copy are putting four different pictures in my head. Has there ever been a more incongruous movie poster? I submit that there has not.
Actress: And what the hell is King Kong doing there?
Bishop: That’s what I mean… I’m just lost. Is HE a teenage zombie? Is he killing her and SHE’S a teenage zombie? None of it makes sense.
Actress: And since when did being bitten by a gorilla cause zombification?
Bishop: Maybe that’s some sort of unspoken Halloween rule that I’m unaware of. One of the lesser-known Halloween rules. If you get bitten by a werewolf, you become a werewolf, if you get bitten by a vampire, you become a vampire, and if you get bitten by a large gorilla, you become a teenage zombie. Do you see how that works?
Actress: Yes *shakes head*, of course. I’m also puzzled as to what that strange thing is in the middle right of the poster…
Bishop: It seems to be a crematorial urn. Yes, it’s the urn that makes the cage pulsate. Do you see?
Actress: It looks like a turkey.
Bishop: Oh! Yeah, I do see that now… hm.. I’m lost
Actress: A robot turkey.
Bishop: Ha ha ha! Well, what the hell? Just when you think the poster couldn’t get any more strange, we’ve positively identified a robot turkey.
Actress: No wonder that chicky in the photo is cowering. I would totally cower in the presence of a robot turkey.
Bishop: Would you pulsate in horror?
Actress: Only if I was being thrust into….
Bishop: By a young pawn?
Actress: I’d rather it be you, baby.
Bishop: G’night, folks. We have some pulsating and thrusting to do.
Actress: *waves*



Filed under Far-Out Flicks

2 responses to “Far-Out Flicks vol. V

  1. K

    This poster might make the least sense of any that you’ve featured so far on this site, and that’s quite a feat. Well done!

    …really. Pulsating cages?!?

  2. K – *curtsies* Thank you, thank you. That is a mighty fine compliment, indeed. However, we hand all the credit to the pulsating cages and robot turkeys of the world. Where would be be without them, I ask you?

    ~ Actress

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