Category Archives: Dance Fools Dance!

Dance Fools Dance! vol. III


Bishop: Wow, that was completely low-budget.
Actress: Way to dress up for the part, buddy…
Bishop: I think it was shot on video and features about 40 seconds of footage that’s cut together and repeated over and over. His wardrobe is just PART of the problem.
Actress: He looks like he slept in his clothes… Actually, scrap that, he looks like he hasn’t slept for a decade.
Bishop: Ha! That’s never more apparent than when he attempts to dance.
Bishop: They keep cutting back to that shot of him on the boardwalk… Extending your arms and wiggling your wrists does NOT count as a dance move.
Actress: Oh yeah, he’s got that sleep-deprived delirium. Utterly without rhythm…
Actress: HAH! And slurring into the microphone is NOT singing!
Bishop: This guy just half-assed every step of the way… except the shot at the end, which was his WHOLE ass.
Actress: That was pure class. I was hanging to see his ass. Why is this clip making me rhyme?
Bishop: Nicely done
Actress: I like how he keeps emerging from that changing cubicle, like he’s modelling the outfit of all time. Wtf?
Bishop: In his own mind it IS the outfit of all time. This guy clearly has a nasty case of Thinkyourecoolitis
Actress: And what a surprise he’s alone on the dancefloor…
Bishop: Yes, that club is completely barren. His hand wiggling won’t win him any friends tonight, apparently
Actress: (Note for the reader: This song is called RITUAL DE AMOR, by CHIKO 10, and inexplicably it was a HUGE hit in Spain…)
Actress: I fear that I’m going to be “singing”, “Danzzzaaa Danzaaa” in my sleep now… It really is disturbingly catchy, in that Eurotrash novelty song kind of way…
Bishop: Yes! Eerily catchy…
Bishop: I feel I can relate to the lyrics during the chorus… “Ba da da da daaa, ba da da da da da”… Who hasn’t been THERE? It’s universal.
Actress: Indeed. Danzaaaaa danzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…. oh, shit.
Actress: It’s stuck now.
Bishop: Sorry. You’ll never get it out.
Actress: Obviously nobody’s ever told him that he really oughtn’t be on camera, in any sense. Do you think we should write to him? To save him from himself (read: and us), you know….
Bishop: I think he would appreciate that. You’re right, he’s completely unable to see himself. He’s really really happy and he sounds and looks like crap.
Actress: I think I’m off tequila for life…
Bishop: “Dear Mr. 10: You need to stop pretending to be a musician. For the good of humanity and our ears…”
Actress: You have such a way with words, baby…
Bishop: Thanks, sweetheart. And don’t worry: tequila could never make you act as embarrassingly as this guy.
Actress: Yes, and it will never make me wear sunglasses on a cord around my neck. Thank God.

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Dance Fools Dance! vol. II

Actress: Humpy humpy, nyork nyork nyork…
Bishop: Blorgen florgen schmorgen blorgen…
Bishop: I’m glad for a dance instructional video taught by Vincent Price and my fourth grade English teacher.
Actress: Hey, Vince always had his groove on..
Bishop: These moves seem too simple. Aren’t they just shuffling their feet?
Actress: No, they’re wiping dog shit off their shoes…
Actress: His pants are rather fetching, don’t you think? Nicely fitting… oh here comes the music!
Bishop: Yes, the pants are the best. Ah, the music! Make it go away!
Actress: Oh, the people have come alive! I thought they were mannequins..
Bishop: Ha ha… They flood the dance floor simultaneously. It’s a bit odd.
Bishop: I like the word “Disco” at the bottom of the screen. That’s so you don’t forget what you’re watching.
Actress: She’s a bit of a goer, eh? Wiggle it, baby…. c’mon…
Bishop: Keep your eye on Vincent the whole time… you can’t tell me with a straight face that that’s DANCING…
Actress: He looks like he’s off for a round of golf.
Actress: A bit of nooky behind the tree on the 8th hole…
Bishop: Yes. I know what that movement is and it’s NOT disco dancing.
Actress: It is for middle aged Scandinavians. Bless their feather hats and lederhosen.
Bishop: I wonder if the “foot scoot” impresses anyone.
Actress: He’s very authoritative. I wish he was my dance teacher…There’s that wiggle…
Bishop: I don’t think he’s a very good dancer. See, his shit is under control and very well-defined when he’s explaining, but once the music starts, he begins acting like a spaz.
Actress: He’s a terrible dancer. Once the music starts he’s stumbling all over the place like a drunken bum.
Actress: Oh. My. God. WHAT IS THIS STEP???
Bishop: He’s doing the “Your Drunken Uncle at a Wedding Shuffle”. I love that dance!
Actress: That last 30 seconds gets me every time…
Bishop: It makes you wonder what didn’t make the edit… I think Vincent was getting progressively more shameful.
Bishop: Too bad it didn’t go on longer.
Actress: I second that. This video makes me happy.

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Dance Fools Dance! vol. I

This video is 51 seconds in length.

Enter at your own risk:

Actress: Nice pants! Stripes are the new black, don’t you know…
Bishop: Too… much… color….
Actress: I think they’re striped to hide the rips from being so freaking tight…
Bishop: Yeah… everybody stop and go a size up! Wardrobe!
Bishop: I can’t really say too much about this video because I went blind after the first few seconds. It must be really bright in that studio.
Actress: Yes… their pupils must be all dilated. Ahem. I was completely hypnotised by his pants… I had to watch it a second time..
Bishop: That fat guy looked really out of place, didn’t he? The white suit? I think it’s Jeff Garlin… The resemblance is uncanny!
Actress: It is! I think I’ll have to watch it again to make sure it isn’t actually him..
Actress: Do you see the girl he’s dancing with? She also looks totally out of place. She’s got this psychedelic mod thing going on, not at all disco hip…
Bishop: Right. She seems lost. She’s not even facing the right way half the time.
Actress: I think that woman was auditioning for a bit part in Saturday Night Fever.
Bishop: For the record they were ALL auditioning for Saturday Night Fever.
Actress: Haha, then there’s the tall guy behind her, who has NO sense of rhythm whatsoever.
Bishop: Wow, what a disaster.
Actress: Goddamnit! Why does it cut out just as they start dancing in formation??!! Why?? *cries*
Bishop: I’m beginning to see why whoever posted that named it “Dance Fools Dance”…. there’s truly some foolishness going on there. And yes, the formation dancing would have been entertaining.
Actress: I just wish I looked that good in a slinky red pantsuit…
Bishop: Baby, you look that good all the time… besides, pantsuits are overrated.
Actress: Yeah, you just can’t get them off quick enough… *winks*

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