Tag Archives: 60’s

Enfant Terribles vol.V

 

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Actress: I was a deprived child. Why didn’t I have an ugly plastic wig? WHYYY??!!! I need to talk to my therapist about this…
Bishop: Any kid would love those wigs. They look so LIFELIKE.
Actress: Eric Bana used to wear one of those wigs when he was a sketch comedian impersonating Australian media personality/journalist Ray Martin. It looked disturbingly like the one in the middle, except black. Eric Bana must have a small head.
Bishop: It claims to fit all head sizes, but I’m not so sure about that. We’ll get Philip Seymour Hoffman (the man with the world’s largest head) in there to test that claim.
Actress: Good idea. Stay tuned folks…
Bishop: I’m glad they’re soft. Not only do they look EXACTLY like real hair, but they have the same texture. Wow, what a simulation.
Actress: I wish I had one now. Perfect for those bad hair days…
Actress: I’m particularly taken with the blonde wig on the right. I know if I was to choose a blonde wig, that would be the hairstyle I would be after…
Bishop: Definitely. It’s like a little hair plateau that sits on your head. How stylish.
Actress: You could serve food off that wig. Send little Sally with the blonde wig around at parties with hors d’oeuvres.
Bishop: Ha ha. Yes, I think that’s what it was designed for.
Bishop: The important thing is that it’s SAFE. Because if your kid was somehow injured with her own plastic wig, it would be five times as sad as if they were merely injured.
Actress: Yes, because if you were standing under say, a falling tree branch, or piano for instance, you would be well protected.
Bishop: Exactly! If your kids don’t want to wear a helmet during playtime, trick them into wearing a helmet by painting hair on it.
Actress: I’m feeling crafty and inspired. I think I’m going to dig out my cycle helmet and delicately paint fetching “redhead” strokes on it with my acrylics. Yes. Yes I am.
Bishop: And everyone will just think your hair looks a bit different.
Actress: As I said, perfect for those bad hair days…

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Ad Nauseam vol. X

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Actress: Mad Mixers? Mad Hatter more like it. What the hell do you call that?
Bishop: Yeah, either Lipstick Girl has turned into a human lamp or that’s a really crappy hat.
Actress: Oddly enough, I have a sneaking suspicion it would win a prize at the Spring Racing Carnival.
Bishop: I like to imagine that she’s an 11 foot tall giantess and has her head stuck in a chandelier.
Actress: And a rather fetching lampshade it is. I’ve been looking for a lampshade just like it for ages… Bitch! Stole my bloody lampshade….
Bishop: But you weren’t planning on using it as headwear, though? Right?
Actress: Right, indeed. Nor was I planning on wearing Christmas baubles for earrings. I think she had an accident decorating the tree in the living room…
Bishop: Ha ha. You can’t see it, but she also has a giant star sitting on her head. It’s under the lampshade. The entire tree exploded.
Actress: That explains her facial expression…
Bishop: Women of a bygone era must have had sturdier earlobes. Look at how she can wear those shot-puts from her ears without any apparent pain…
Actress: On closer inspection, they look like clip-on earrings. My god. Speaking as a woman, there is nothing quite as painful as those clip-on’s that screw into your ear. I’m impressed. She’s one tough lady.
Bishop: Her ears are tough, anyway.
Bishop: I like the label this ad carries… It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Mixer (not world)
Actress: It must have been quite the turn of phrase in the day. If only Cover Girl still made ads like these. Not that you even notice the colour of her lips…
Bishop: The ad copy suggests insanity… in fact, so does the entire ad.
Actress: I like “they’re madly beautiful”. If only someone would tell me I’m madly beautiful.. (hint, hint)
Bishop: Aw, baby… you are madly, madly beautiful. And I’m madly, madly in love with you.
Actress: *sigh* You just made my day, baby. As you are so wont to do… Do you think it would help if I wore some Mad, Mad Mixers though? Or perhaps a lampshade on my head? We can all do with a bit of enhancement.
Bishop: You’re perfect as you are. Lampshades or not.

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