Tag Archives: 70’s

Ad Nauseam vol. XII

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Bishop: Ahhh! What the hell am I looking at? These just keep getting creepier and creepier…
Actress: You are looking at one of a slew of “dance bands” that were (and possibly still are) very, very popular in Sweden in the 60’s and 70’s…
Bishop: Are you kidding? That sounds about right based on the appearance, but the thought of it being a reality is so, so painful.
Actress: This is no joke, baby. Bjorn from ABBA was quite the popstar in one of these very bands before ABBA hit the world’s stage.
Bishop: I know I’ve joked about the annoyance of bands dressingly uniformly before, but this is beyond the pale (and that’s not a joke about the Swedish lack of skin pigment).
Actress: Electric blue velveteen is a beautiful thing… c’mon….
Bishop: It’s good to see racial diversity in music, isn’t it?
Actress: Hey, one of them has brown hair.
Bishop: I’m not at all kidding when I say I think the four in the front are clones. Seriously. Clones.
Actress: There is a serious family vibe going on there, no doubt. What I want, is to see those flares in full flight.
Bishop: Be careful what you wish for.
Actress: Be careful how you tempt me. I’ll be off to YouTube before you know it…
Bishop: Nooo!! Any guesses as to what “Musikanterna” means? The band’s name? The album title? Possibly?
Actress: I’m under the impression this is a band poster. I have a bunch of them ready to go, you’ll be pleased to know, all in glorious technicolour. So, I’m thinking, band name…
Bishop: Wow.
Actress: Unfortunately the trusty Babel Fish doesn’t cover Swedish…
Bishop: I’m assuming it means “terrible music”. Or possibly “the muskrats”
Actress: Or, maybe “lapels are GO!”
Bishop: Go and enormous… True fact: if you stitched together the material used to make lapels alone in the 1970’s, it would cover the Pacific Ocean 1,356 times.
Actress: Wow, that’s handy to know. You’re so smart. I love you, baby.
Bishop: I love you, darling. Now let’s never speak of Musikanterna again.
Actress: I’ll agree, but only if you agree to wear a pair of blue velveteen flares for me. Please. I insist.
Bishop: The things I do for you!

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Plastique Fantastique XVI

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Actress: Geez, neighbours can be bastards, can’t they? “I told you I would keel you if you played any more of that Gordon Lightfoot music!!”
Bishop: It makes me wonder what neighborhood this is in… or country… or alternate dimension….
Actress: You mean you didn’t wield a machete at your neighbour today? I’m surprised.
Bishop: Are these two hunting one another? Is this like that Stephen King dealie where man is hunted like prey?
Actress: Either that, or they’re on a co-op, chopping bamboo to make way for the new yoga centre.
Bishop: That could very well be the case.
Actress: Although the mutually aggressive stance indicates otherwise…
Bishop: For the record, I never fight my neighbor with a machete… only a pair of rusty hedge-trimmers.
Actress: Oh, that’s alright then baby. I love you for your pacifism.
Bishop: Of course. Guess which one is the mayor…. I’m stumped.
Actress: And what the hell is on this record? A machete duel? Or a political debate?
Bishop: I wish mayoral debates were this exciting outside of Mexico.
Bishop: They’re DAMNED serious about municipal waterways and make no mistake!
Actress: Notice how the Mexican’s machete is rusty as hell, and the white guy’s looks like brand new, like he just moved into the neighbourhood and thought he ought to be suitably armed for the area. Home Depot to the rescue. I’ll bet his guitar is shitty though, if it is his guitar.
Bishop: I’m guessing neither play. It almost looks like the guitar got thrown in there as an after thought.
Actress: It has to be the white guy’s guitar. The other guy already has a hat.
Bishop: They almost forgot this was an album cover. Hell, I’M forgetting it’s an album cover.
Actress: Er, yeah… me too.
Bishop: As for what’s ON the record… I’m guessing it’s the aural version of human insanity.
Actress: Right up my alley. Let’s listen.
Bishop: I’ll crank up the turntable.

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Comix Remix vol. VI

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Bishop: The boomerangs aren’t scary until you factor in the little electrical trails that wrap around you like barbed wire. It’s almost as painful as Captain Boomerang’s taste in clothes.
Actress: I’m not sure if I’m more concerned by his girly flared jacket, or his Burger King headwear. It’s making me hungry…
Bishop: It creates the illusion that he’s working behind the counter, serving someone their Whopper with fries.
Actress: And if you dare to ask for no pickle, he’ll stun you with his wicked boomerang throwing skillz.
Bishop: Boomerangs aren’t so bad. Popular fiction is full of ninjas with traditional Japanese weapons and pirates with their cutlasses… I say let the Aussies represent.
Actress: If only he did represent Aussies. A milliion Aborigines are spinning in their graves, trying to match the mad skillz (can I use any other spelling?) of CAPTAIN BOOMERANG.
Bishop: Nah, it’s not a mockery, it’s a celebration. Three cheers for boomerangs.
Bishop: I’m amused by the Flash’s footwear. If you’re the fastest man alive, do cleats matter?
Actress: Not in the face of the astounding wrist flick of Captain Boomerang. I’m still transfixed by the trajectory of his throw. I’ve never thrown a boomerang (successfully), but being of Aussie descent, I can safely say, there is no person, living or dead, who could make a boomerang rotate around a person two times, let alone EIGHT. Call me pedantic…
Bishop: He’s THAT amazing
Actress: It must be the hat. And tights. And all that…. blue.
Bishop: Serves the Flash right for underestimating him. Flash can’t believe he’s getting his ass handed to him by Captain Boomerang. You can just see the “WTF!” expression on his face.
Actress: Well, what would he expect when his movie was so crap? They really need to fix that…
Bishop: Definitely.
Bishop: I enjoy the emphasis on “must”. They’re very adamant about that.
Actress: I really think I must read ROAD TO OBLIVION now. I have no idea what it is, but the italics got me…
Bishop: Had it not been italicized, I might have skipped it.
Actress: And incur the wrath of Captain Boomerang? You’re game…
Bishop: *gulp* Not that game. I know better now.
Actress: Beware the blue boomerang…

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Ad Nauseam vol. XI

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Bishop: Wow… am I seeing things or do these people live with a horse in the kitchen?
Actress: No, you’re not wrong. I thought stable doors indoors were a relic from the 19th century.
Bishop: “Clean up after yourself! Were you raised in a barn?!?”
Actress: That horse could take off at any moment and gallop through the house, spilling organic vegetables and marking that lovely green paint with his poo and hoof marks at any moment. My mother would have a fit.
Bishop: Speaking of poo… how do they put up with the smell? It’s in their kitchen ferchrissake.
Actress: One must wonder a lot of things about this arrangement…
Bishop: You know what makes me sad? That guy’s paying more attention to the horse than his wife. That’s not right and I don’t care how rural you are.
Actress: You have to take into account that the lady of the house, either has a nasty foot disease, or lives in an imaginary world where she walks around on tippy toe…
Bishop: Yeah, that doesn’t look comfortable.
Actress: I think he and the horse have a “special” relationship. They look close.
Bishop: Eek. I must wash my mind clean of those thoughts.
Actress: Who keeps bales of hay inside their house? I mean, it is a house… not a barn… clearly. Why else would it be featured as a fashionable 1974 interior?
Bishop: I don’t know… I mean how can Europeans look down their snoots at Americans when they’re living like this? For shame. NOW who’re the hillbillies?
Actress: Well, I don’t know about hillbillies…. Her hair is way too shiny.
Bishop: I feel sorry for anyone living in this house. It reminds me of the Great Depression, for some reason. Just horrible.
Actress: Yeah, I can see that. But what I see more, is a couple of barefoot, champagne bo-ho’s with an oppressive green ceiling.
Bishop: That ceiling is the greenest green that ever greened. You have to give them credit for that, at least
Actress: It was the 70’s after all… Ah, I remember that green well. I’m sure at least a couple of our readers can even name the shade…
Bishop: Well, it’s downright purdy, at any rate.
Actress: Yes… and well swept. The amount of hay debris that must be tramped through that kitchen…

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Plastique Fantastique XV

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Actress: Is that John Belushi?
Bishop: *gasp!* Belushi!
Bishop: Snap.
Actress: I don’t think Belushi ever wore white pants.
Bishop: No, this is clearly some sort of tropical Belushi.
Actress: This is like Belushi on holiday in Imperial Singapore.
Bishop: I think he faked his own death and hid out in the Hawaiin Islands after changing his name to Jose Angel.
Actress: His shoes are pretty sharp, apart from the socks… and the baby poo brown coloured shoes.
Bishop: Yeah, and he really wants you to know how sharp they are, he’s displaying them quite prominently.
Actress: He’s got a pretty flash digital watch, too. He must have been making a mint. I think this “career” is a cover for his decadent drug lord lifestyle.
Bishop: Ha ha! Yes, he’s clearly a cocaine-lord on par with Pablo Escabar. The clothes fit, after all.
Actress: I am taken with what is written at the bottom of the cover, “Madre Soy Christiano Homosexual”. Translated: “Mother I am Christiano Homosexual”. Maybe it wasn’t drugs he was enjoying…
Bishop: Hey, I didn’t need a translator to tell that “homosexual” is Spanish for “homosexual”
Bishop: Points for me! I’m so smart, aren’t I?
Actress: Oh, you are, baby. That’s why I love you. I think this album is his coming out letter to his mother…
Bishop: I think you’re right… and that’s deeply concerting for some reason.
Bishop: I believe he’s acknowledging that he’s a gay Christian. Hey, more power to him, but is this album really the best way to tell your mom?
Actress: It’s a little public, I’d have thought… but who am I to judge?
Bishop: I think a face-to-face would feel more honest than a collection of spicy latin dance grooves?
Actress: I want to see one of his music videos.
Bishop: It might be like a chubbier version of Gloria Estefan
Actress: Or maybe, this guy……..

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Enfant Terribles vol. IV

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Actress: I said ADD bacon, you useless gimp! Geez. Service nowadays…
Bishop: That’s why you have to check the food before you pull away. Unless you’re not driving, of course
Actress: Which she clearly isn’t… but you are absolutely right. Nobody can complain if they don’t check first. Window staff can never be trusted.
Bishop: Let’s talk about the kid sitting in the grass hut with Dr. Zaius and Cornelius. He looks hungry.
Actress: I think he can smell the sweet aroma of a whopper with cheese ADD BACON coming from next door…
Bishop: Do you think their parents believe in favoritism? “OK, you two get to eat cheeseburgers. Billy, you get to hang out in a crude treehouse with gorillas.”
Actress: I love how it quite unintentionally illustrates the juxtaposition between the “first” (read: consumer) world, and the third world.
Bishop: Ha ha. Good point. You’re clever to catch the symbolism.
Bishop: On the left: Americans. On the right: Africans.
Actress: I don’t think it was intentional on JC Penney’s part.
Bishop: Jimmy: “Should we share with Billy?” Susie: “Nah, redistribution of wealth constitutes socialism. Billy needs to stand on his own two feet.” Cut to: Billy’s dead body.
Actress: Hah! Oops, somehow I don’t think I ought to be laughing at that… Billy does look pretty bloody desperate though, no? “Just a pickle? C’mon… please?”
Bishop: You can tell he’s been told to STAY IN THE TREEHOUSE… but every fiber of his being wants Burger King.
Actress: He doesn’t even get to wear a hat.
Bishop: That hat is nifty.
Actress: I think Susie likes it… But then again, her taste in clothes is somewhat dubious.
Bishop: Yeah, Susie looks like she’s been dressed by her mother. Oh, wait! She has been!
Bishop: I hope the franchise owner took out plenty of insurance. You see, the walls are made of cardboard and will blow over in a stiff wind. The bricks are only painted on. Crooked contractors, I’ll assume.
Actress: They are corrugated fibreboard. AND they fold away for easy storage. What more could you need? I’m kicking myself for buying that $300 tent now…
Bishop: It looks cozy.
Actress: If only we had page 277 of the catalogue. We could furnish the joint.
Bishop: He he. Yeah, I’m sure it’s bigger on the inside.
Actress: Said the actress to the bishop… Oops, that didn’t quite work. *wink*
Bishop: Nice try, though!
Actress: Thank you, thank you baby. I would still keep my tent, given the option, with you in it. Wanna go camping?
Bishop: Absolutely. Just leave out the camp.

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Plastique Fantastique vol. XIII

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Bishop: One of Roger’s facets isn’t a last name, sadly…
Actress: Or dress sense, so it seems…
Bishop: Or subtlety. Between the ham-fisted histrionics, and the outfit that has nearly blinded me, I’m already deducting Roger some major points.
Actress: I’m deducting points for his name, also. I mean, it’s one thing to have Roger as your given name, that’s all well and good… but it’s not very showbiz, is it? Think Roger Whittaker…
Bishop: Exactly. With that fashion sense, we can presume his music is deeply fonkay (yes, spelled “fonkay”). Therefore, why not go with Dr. Thumpalicious or Captain Interstellar-LoveMotherShip? That would be MUCH more appropriate than “Roger”
Actress: Indeed. But then again, he is a moody guy. Who can know what really goes on in the mind of Roger?
Bishop: Maybe he has multiple personality disorder. I wonder which one is the REAL Roger?
Actress: That’s exactly what I’m getting at. I’m guessing it’s the bottom, middle shot. I think that photo is the key to his very soul. Roger is but a sad clown. Just hazarding a guess, but correct me if you think I’m wrong…
Bishop: No, that’s what I imagine, as well. Roger has a deep soul and you can tell by that contemplative picture. “I think that I shall never see a poem funky as a tree…”
Actress: Hah! I think the other clue is the photo at bottom left. He’s trying to point the world toward his pain…
Bishop: Yes, as if to say “The real me is right over here. Have a look, won’t you?”
Bishop: Either that or he’s encouraging someone to pull his finger, in which case, I’m way off…
Actress: Well, there’s always that, too, but I think we’ve found the key to Roger’s soul. I applaud us for our perceptiveness and sensitivity to Roger’s plight. If we could just work out exactly what that plight is…
Bishop: He’s feeling sorrow because his clothes are SO shiny they blind unsuspecting passers-by, turning him into a social pariah. Much like Quasimodo, no one can look upon Roger. I mean that literally. They CAN’T look at him. He’s reflecting the sun’s rays.
Actress: Somebody needs to tell him. Do you think we can find his address? I feel a social duty to save him from his sequinned segregation…
Bishop: We might have a hard time tracking him down. Only knowing his first name isn’t helping. I imagine Googling “Roger” returns thousands of hits.
Bishop: A small problem I have with the album’s title: The use of the word “many” is a bit much. I count six. That’s “a few” at best.
Actress: Well, it could be “Several Facets of Roger”, at best…
Bishop: Maybe he doesn’t want to give ALL his facets away right off the bat.
Bishop: At the end of the day, it’s good Rog has a sense of humor. Look at that last picture (the one in the bottom, right-hand side). “Don’t go there, girlfriend!” See, it’s not all gloom and introspection!
Actress: Several facets, indeed. I don’t think any number of expressions will ever convey the complexity that is ROGER….

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