Bishop: This is a brilliant concept. I think they should make an ongoing tv series out of this.
Actress: You could be onto something there. I ayam filled with the POWER!!!
Bishop: He fights against the powers of Satan… using karate!!
Actress: Busting through concrete has to be handy as a preacher, you have to admit.
Bishop: It’s a skill ALL preachers should learn! Although he doesn’t seem to be having a good time of it. Most karate experts make it look so easy. I actually think he broke something.
Actress: His pinky looks a bit wonky….
Bishop: Yeah, he’s not doing too well. Upon first glance, I mistakingly thought he had smashed a stack of Bibles. I guess that doesn’t make much sense, does it?
Actress: Hmm.. no, not a lot of sense. Although in my experience…
Actress: Something tells me he’s not actually Asian.
Bishop: “Crain” isn’t Asian? Next you’ll tell me that “MacGregor” isn’t Kenyan.
Actress: I swear he’s made up to look Asian. I mean, he could be half cast, but…..
Bishop: Yeah, he’s trying his damndest. Talk about playing to stereotype. Jesus, they even have the subtitle set in “Chinese” font style.
Actress: Because God would WANT you to bust through 6 blocks of concrete. I can see that prayer paying off in front of my very eyes.
Bishop: Right. It’s God’s will that you smash concrete blocks. Obviously.
Bishop: I have to say: God’s power doesn’t look so impressive. I mean, you’d think he’d be a little more confident in his block-smashing if he were really charged with the power of God. That pained expression on his face communicates to me that he was rushed to the emergency room as soon as this picture was snapped.
Actress: Not forgetting the wonky finger for a second, I do have to wonder what is on this record? Obvoiusly Mike Crain speaking of God’s power, but by the looks of this cover, I’m not entirely sure he’s someone I’d be taking seriously…. but then again, he does have that Beatlesque haircut….
Bishop: He could be performing on the Ed Sullivan Show with that hairdo.
Bishop: I’m still trying to determine the connection between martial arts and preaching. Does one help the other? We may never know.
Actress: Conflicting philosophies, I would have thought, but you can never know…
Bishop: The truth is that these blocks are fake and pre-broken. I just refuse to allow that this guy is a black belt. It can’t be.
Actress: I want to see Mike in action. Can we visit his church? Pretty please? I just want to see him break the blocks in person. Mike has the charisma of a rock star to me now. I’m attracted to him.
Bishop: If we went to his church and he didn’t break blocks, it would be the most disappointing thing ever. And please don’t make me fight Mike Crain for your love. I will embarrass this guy so thoroughly, it will be shameful.
Actress: After your dessimation of Satan, the Spaghetti Monster and all the rest, I wouldn’t dare. You don’t need violence to have my victory, my love….
Bishop: C’mere, you… *kisses*
Bishop: The boomerangs aren’t scary until you factor in the little electrical trails that wrap around you like barbed wire. It’s almost as painful as Captain Boomerang’s taste in clothes.
Actress: I’m not sure if I’m more concerned by his girly flared jacket, or his Burger King headwear. It’s making me hungry…
Bishop: It creates the illusion that he’s working behind the counter, serving someone their Whopper with fries.
Actress: And if you dare to ask for no pickle, he’ll stun you with his wicked boomerang throwing skillz.
Bishop: Boomerangs aren’t so bad. Popular fiction is full of ninjas with traditional Japanese weapons and pirates with their cutlasses… I say let the Aussies represent.
Actress: If only he did represent Aussies. A milliion Aborigines are spinning in their graves, trying to match the mad skillz (can I use any other spelling?) of CAPTAIN BOOMERANG.
Bishop: Nah, it’s not a mockery, it’s a celebration. Three cheers for boomerangs.
Bishop: I’m amused by the Flash’s footwear. If you’re the fastest man alive, do cleats matter?
Actress: Not in the face of the astounding wrist flick of Captain Boomerang. I’m still transfixed by the trajectory of his throw. I’ve never thrown a boomerang (successfully), but being of Aussie descent, I can safely say, there is no person, living or dead, who could make a boomerang rotate around a person two times, let alone EIGHT. Call me pedantic…
Bishop: He’s THAT amazing
Actress: It must be the hat. And tights. And all that…. blue.
Bishop: Serves the Flash right for underestimating him. Flash can’t believe he’s getting his ass handed to him by Captain Boomerang. You can just see the “WTF!” expression on his face.
Actress: Well, what would he expect when his movie was so crap? They really need to fix that…
Bishop: I enjoy the emphasis on “must”. They’re very adamant about that.
Actress: I really think I must read ROAD TO OBLIVION now. I have no idea what it is, but the italics got me…
Bishop: Had it not been italicized, I might have skipped it.
Actress: And incur the wrath of Captain Boomerang? You’re game…
Bishop: *gulp* Not that game. I know better now.
Actress: Beware the blue boomerang…
Bishop: Must… resist urge… to make… tasteless terrorism joke…
Actress: It’s really bloody hard, isn’t it? Oh, go on…
Bishop: Doesn’t being outside the plane make it harder to hijack? AGH! I couldn’t resist! Forgive me, please…
Actress: HAH! Oh, shit… Where do we go from here? This is fraught…
Bishop: I wish I could even guess what’s going on in this picture. Is Hassan some sort of superhero? Is he an enemy being attacked by the plane? Is he HELPING save the plane?
Actress: No, he is the enemy! The carpet is his secret weapon! I think somebody had better call homeland security quick smart….
Bishop: All I know is that if you’re going to have history’s most stereotypically Middle Eastern character, and you’re going to name him Hassan, you had damn well better not give him a flying carpet! Racism was alive and well among comic book writers in the mid-20th century.
Actress: Yes! Oh, god… This is just too much. And the title is telling, too. Calling the comic “Unknown Worlds” is tantamount to calling it “People From Mars”. You not American! You alien!
Bishop: For shame.
Actress: I can’t help but wonder if he’s going to duck out of the way just before they hit a building…
Actress: Is that wrong? Oh, it is…. Oh.. I’m going to hell now…
Bishop: You are very very bad.
Bishop: What’s sad is that the Dept. of Homeland Security and the Bush Admin. entire gets their intel from 1950’s comic books! It’s true! This very issue prompted the national drive to strip search anyone wearing a turban in an airport.
Actress: I think you may be right. Although carpets can be tricky to hide in a crevice. Believe me, I know. Wait… what?
Bishop: Ouch! The FAA’s fear of carpets all stems from “Hassan’s Heirloom!” Comic book related propaganda runs deep.
Actress: Who knew?
Bishop: Oh no, they invited WEIRD atomic beasts who live off human blood? I was hoping this party would have all the normal atomic beasts who life off human blood.
Actress: You’d be a bit disappointed if it was your party, no? “Sheryl, I thought we specified! Now our party will be full of WEIRD atomic beasts! I was hoping to see George, the normal atomic beast. He’s cute”.
Bishop: Natch. I wonder if human blood is healthy enough to really live off?
Bishop: Doesn’t seem like a very balanced diet to me
Actress: Full of protein. Dr Atkins would approve.
Actress: What bothers me is that there is a whole party full of reveling teenagers there, completely oblivious to the fact that one of their friends is being ravaged by a weird atomic beast. That band must be shit hot….
Bishop: Yeah, or else the lot of them are near-sighted. Maybe they think that’s NORMAL?
Actress: I’m also waiting for that weird atomic beast to burst into song….
Bishop: He better! It’s a musical.
Bishop: And it’s about time they got around to a horror monster musical.
Actress: I agree. Hey, maybe he’s not attacking her at all…. I think she’s being serenaded.
Bishop: Hey, I hadn’t even thought of that. His mouth is open as he belts out his songs of romance. And they’re dancing. Isn’t that sweet?
Actress: It’s always lovely to see different cultures combine. It’s like ebony and ivory, living in perfect harmony. I feel a bit choked up now. Pass me a tissue will you baby?
Bishop: Here you go *passes tissue* This was groundbreaking. See, it’s the FIRST of its kind.
Actress: All I can say is that she’s a lucky girl. I think I have a bit of a crush on Mr Weird Atomic Beast now. The
fins hair, the teeth… and I’ll bet he has a voice of gold. My attention is diverted, baby. You have some work to do…
Bishop: Damn you, Weird Atomic Beast! I’ll kick your weird atomic ass! This is FAR from over!
Actress: Sing to me, o’ Beastie…
Bishop: His name is O’Beastie? He doesn’t LOOK Irish…
Actress: It’s an attraction you’ll never understand. Although maybe if you found a nice reptilian costume I could be persuaded….
Bishop: OK, but I draw the line at drinking blood.
Actress: As long as you drop me from a great height, I’ll be happy baby…
Bishop: Deal? Question mark?
Actress: *flutters eyelashes*