Bishop: Obviously, “pussy” refers to a domesticated feline. I don’t get why you told me this photo would be racy. What’s wrong with that?
Actress: I agree completely. I love my pussies. Yes, I have more than one…. Aren’t I lucky?
Bishop: I heard that most women have only a single pussy.
Actress: Not me, baby. I have multiple pussies.
Bishop: Apparently, her cat is on loan from her father? Did he rent it to her?
Actress: Well, I hope he’s giving her a family discount, if that be the case. At least she’s giving him credit.
Bishop: Yes, the ownership of the pussy is not in question.
Actress: One would hope that Daddy is not in the room.
Bishop: I hope not.
Bishop: Look at the names on the side of the album cover. Those titles are more sophomoric and offensive than the album title proper (if that’s even possible)
Actress: Yes, I was going to get to those… A few of my favourites: “Sadie’s Still Got The Rag On”, “He Forgot His Rubbers”, “Things Are Soft For Grandma Since Grandpa’s Eighty-Four”, and of course, “Tony’s Got Hot Nuts”…
Bishop: Tony needs to see a doctor. Nut-related inflammation is no laughing matter.
Actress: You’re quite right. I’d want that seen to. I’m guessing and hoping that Tony isn’t Daddy or Grandpa…
Actress: So, how’s about them tits then, eh?
Bishop: I… um… the..tits… what? I was distracted. I was thinking about balancing my checkbook.
Bishop: Trust me, I don’t even notice tits that aren’t yours. Was this woman topless? I didn’t notice.
Actress: Good answer, baby. Nice pussy though….
Actress: Is that child CRYING??
Bishop: You’d think they’d find a more flattering shot than that.
Actress: Well, obviously they couldn’t afford to waste any shots on facial expressions… just look at the costumes!
Bishop: This takes “low budget” to a whole new level
Actress: Ok, ok, I know it’s children’s craft, but I never would have stood for that when I was a kid. Those children must be scarred to this very day.
Bishop: It’s basically the equivalent of dressing them up in potato sacks. And you’re damn right they’re scarred… 30 years on, and they openly burst into tears whenever the clerk at the grocery store asks “paper or plastic?”
Actress: Shoddy and poor, their parents and the publishers of this book ought to be ashamed.
Bishop: Yes, they ought to be.
Actress: Just look at the poor little mite. And what small boy wants to be a panda? I ask you… No wonder he’s crying…
Bishop: He doesn’t really look like a panda as much as a guy with a panda growing out of his stomach. Which I find disturbing. Not only are these costumes cheap and pretty crappy, they’re highly ambiguous. Tell me what the kid on the left is supposed to be….
Actress: That was my next question! WHAT is that? At first I was thinking, court jester… but there’s no sign of a hat, or tights…
Bishop: No, none. I thought maybe it was supposed to be a layer of feathering and the lad was going as a bird of some type… is he an owl?
Actress: Oh, a BIRD. Of course…I can totally see that. Ahem.
Bishop: A bird… maybe. I’m not too sure on that one. I think maybe he’s dressed as a stack of poorly-cut construction paper.
Actress: I was going to remark on the mad paper cutting skillz….
Bishop: Crazy, innit? Maybe it’s some sort of avant-garde fashion that’s just emerged from Paris. The only reason I’m laughing is because I don’t GET IT.
Actress: Me neither, honey….
Actress: All I can say is that don’t their parents know that you make kiddie costumes out of cardboard, crepe paper and ratty old clothes? Take this, for example:
Actress: And yes, that is me…. Laugh, go on!
Bishop: Aw, you’re too cute to laugh at. I do have to wonder what’s going on, though?
Actress: Well, this would be my point. I am accepting 2nd prize in a fancy dress competition aboard a cruise ship, aged 4. And what did it for me? Ratty old clothes, cardboard and crepe paper…
Actress: I still have that little red octopus, by the way…
Bishop: The red octopus given to you by a guy who’s dressed like Captain Stubing? That’s one to hang onto.
Actress: That kind of explains my facial expression. Even at that age, the guy scared the bejesus out of me…