Tag Archives: pets

Plastique Fantastique vol. XVII

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Bishop: Obviously, “pussy” refers to a domesticated feline. I don’t get why you told me this photo would be racy. What’s wrong with that?
Actress: I agree completely. I love my pussies. Yes, I have more than one…. Aren’t I lucky?
Bishop: I heard that most women have only a single pussy.
Actress: Not me, baby. I have multiple pussies.
Bishop: Apparently, her cat is on loan from her father? Did he rent it to her?
Actress: Well, I hope he’s giving her a family discount, if that be the case. At least she’s giving him credit.
Bishop: Yes, the ownership of the pussy is not in question.
Actress: One would hope that Daddy is not in the room.
Bishop: I hope not.
Bishop: Look at the names on the side of the album cover. Those titles are more sophomoric and offensive than the album title proper (if that’s even possible)
Actress: Yes, I was going to get to those… A few of my favourites: “Sadie’s Still Got The Rag On”, “He Forgot His Rubbers”, “Things Are Soft For Grandma Since Grandpa’s Eighty-Four”, and of course, “Tony’s Got Hot Nuts”…
Bishop: Tony needs to see a doctor. Nut-related inflammation is no laughing matter.
Actress: You’re quite right. I’d want that seen to. I’m guessing and hoping that Tony isn’t Daddy or Grandpa…
Actress: So, how’s about them tits then, eh?
Bishop: I… um… the..tits… what? I was distracted. I was thinking about balancing my checkbook.
Bishop: Trust me, I don’t even notice tits that aren’t yours. Was this woman topless? I didn’t notice.
Actress: Good answer, baby. Nice pussy though….

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Ad Nauseam vol. XI

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Bishop: Wow… am I seeing things or do these people live with a horse in the kitchen?
Actress: No, you’re not wrong. I thought stable doors indoors were a relic from the 19th century.
Bishop: “Clean up after yourself! Were you raised in a barn?!?”
Actress: That horse could take off at any moment and gallop through the house, spilling organic vegetables and marking that lovely green paint with his poo and hoof marks at any moment. My mother would have a fit.
Bishop: Speaking of poo… how do they put up with the smell? It’s in their kitchen ferchrissake.
Actress: One must wonder a lot of things about this arrangement…
Bishop: You know what makes me sad? That guy’s paying more attention to the horse than his wife. That’s not right and I don’t care how rural you are.
Actress: You have to take into account that the lady of the house, either has a nasty foot disease, or lives in an imaginary world where she walks around on tippy toe…
Bishop: Yeah, that doesn’t look comfortable.
Actress: I think he and the horse have a “special” relationship. They look close.
Bishop: Eek. I must wash my mind clean of those thoughts.
Actress: Who keeps bales of hay inside their house? I mean, it is a house… not a barn… clearly. Why else would it be featured as a fashionable 1974 interior?
Bishop: I don’t know… I mean how can Europeans look down their snoots at Americans when they’re living like this? For shame. NOW who’re the hillbillies?
Actress: Well, I don’t know about hillbillies…. Her hair is way too shiny.
Bishop: I feel sorry for anyone living in this house. It reminds me of the Great Depression, for some reason. Just horrible.
Actress: Yeah, I can see that. But what I see more, is a couple of barefoot, champagne bo-ho’s with an oppressive green ceiling.
Bishop: That ceiling is the greenest green that ever greened. You have to give them credit for that, at least
Actress: It was the 70’s after all… Ah, I remember that green well. I’m sure at least a couple of our readers can even name the shade…
Bishop: Well, it’s downright purdy, at any rate.
Actress: Yes… and well swept. The amount of hay debris that must be tramped through that kitchen…

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Ad Nauseam vol. IX

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Bishop: What the hell? They made a horse?
Actress: I think this blog has suddenly become unsuitable for children….
Bishop: Whatever’s going on here, it’s unsettling and wrong.
Actress: Yes, and I think it scares me more that it comes from a sewing pattern.
Bishop: Eeek. I don’t want to ask.
Bishop: An alternate theory: maybe the caption belongs to the horse.
Actress: Oh. My. God. I may puke. I think they may be clones. Are they the same woman? Look at them. It’s weird.
Bishop: Maybe he made a couple of blonde 70’s stereotypes… Could he be a mad genius horse who’s cloning women? Who knows?
Actress: Is this from an Amish fashion catalogue?
Bishop: Yes, it is from an Amish fashion catalogue. The Amish do in fact have their own fashion culture.
Actress: I say, that bonnet is rather fetchingly tied at the side. Very subversive..
Bishop: Hey, if there’s a subversive way to tie a bonnet, that must be it.
Actress: All the Amish ladies are doing it (said the actress to the bishop)…
Bishop: Ah! I fall more in love with you with every double entendre.
Actress: Would you still love me in a bonnet and pinafore with cherries on the bib? *flutters eyelashes*
Bishop: Of course. Wear it to bed. Be my Amish Aphrodite.
Actress: What about the frock underneath? That neckline is so sexy…
Bishop: The whole outfit is great. It gets my approval.
Actress: Not to mention the puffy sleeves. The safari pantsuit, isn’t nearly as comely….
Bishop: Yeah, it looks a bit stiff. No guesses as to what they made? And who made what?
Actress: Whoever made it, couldn’t help themselves, and that in itself screams a dire need for some deep psychotherapy.
Bishop: Yeah, talk about needy. It’s a compulsive desire for attention.
Actress: Although it may be a little more comfortable for riding (ahem) the horse…
Bishop: Get your mind out of the gutter!
Actress: Oh, you don’t really mean that… *smiles*
Bishop: Ah, who am I kidding? Go ahead and keep your mind in the gutter. I wouldn’t have it any other way *grins*.
Actress: Aw, just my mind? *winks*

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